A New Creation

Hello Friends,

Thank you all for sticking with me this far. Some of you have been following my journey since day one. Thank you to my new followers as well. The past three years have been a roller coaster ride. Not the fun kind, but definitely necessary.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve carried around fear and sadness. It has caused me to make decisions, good and bad, that most people wouldn’t understand.

Three years ago, God started to gut me like a fish, removing all of the remnants of each encounter, each bad decision, each mistake. All of the shame, guilt, fear, sadness, etc. had to come out in order for me to walk in the purpose God has set for me. And that crap hurt! Sometimes still does. He has removed certain people out of my life that I once thought I could never live without. God has helped me forgive those who I thought I would never be able to forgive. He has given me the strength to love those I was determined to hate.

What’s the difference between the Ashley three years ago and the Ashley today? Complete and utter surrender. Understanding that my life is not my own and when I try to control my life and the outcome of certain situations, I get in my own way and fall straight on my face. Ugh! And man, that hurts, too! I ultimately create my own misery.

I used to believe people when they would say, “Life is pain. You just have to deal with it.” That’s not true. I’m going to shame the devil by dropping this fun fact: once we accept Jesus, surrender to God’s will and not our own, life becomes beautiful. Reread that. Everything is possible that once felt impossible. We are able to pour into other people what God is pouring into us. We begin to bear the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I’m not saying things arent going to be challenging, but I have good news. The more challenges we face, the more opportunity we have to draw closer to Abba Father. The closer we draw to God, the more we trust Him. The more we trust Him, the easier we are able to see our circumstances through our Fathers eyes and not our own, which is awesome because my vision is tore up from the floor up. OK, maybe I shouldn’t bring that phrase back, but I tried. ðŸĪŠ

The picture above is me in 2018; sick, depressed, 99 pounds soaking wet. I was stressed all of the time. I was trying to do everything in my own strength (which as you can see wasn’t much), including trying to control those around me to fit my agenda on what I thought life was suppose to look like.

The above picture was taken five days ago. I am a healthy 100 and something pounds 😁 and have completely surrendered to the Lord who’s agenda for my life and the lives of my children is so much better than my own.

The road to recovery is not a easy one, nor is it for the faint in heart. Every morning I have to pull up my big girl draws and remind myself that Gods will is better than mine. Surrendering is tough, especially when you’re stubborn, selfish, and arrogant like myself. But thank the Lord Jesus Christ that I get a fresh start each morning to do better than the day before.

Thank you for reading my thoughts today. I love each and every one of you. Please don’t forget to pray for one another. Remember, we can disagree and still love on each other.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. -2 Corinthians 5:17

Drum Roll Please

Hello Friends,

It has been a while since I’ve since this bright white screen waiting to be filled with thoughts, dreams, and feelings. So much has happened in my life since my short sabbatical from blogging and I cannot wait to share it with you guys. Quite honestly, it’s going to take a lot of courage to talk about some things, but my words, my experiences need to be shared. For the sake of beautiful people suffering in silence.

But, this what this post is about. I want to dedicate this post specifically for this occasion. **Drum roll please**

As of five minutes ago, I am officially done with school. Yes, that is right. I officially have my Associates degree. I started an accelerated program last year shortly after my husband left. Shortly after I started school, my relationship with my husband began to severely decline. Then Covid-19 happened. And then homeschooling, then lawsuits, divorce, bills, sobriety, I can go on and on. I spent so many days and nights believing that I wasn’t going to make it. I’ve completed many homework assignments in the middle of the night sobbing over heartache and circumstances. I continued to pick up my textbook when I watched my brothers and sisters lose their lives for their beliefs and skin color.

I cant believe it. It is truly a miracle. The odds were stacked against me in every way possible. Yet, God sought me through. He gave me strength. He provided way after way after way. He did this for me. I’m still in awe a bit. My feelings are all over the place.

So I will leave with this: This is only the beginning. I know and see the strength living inside of me now. I have an army of angels behind me every single day, every single moment of every single battle. I can walk in victory trusting God to do what He always promises to do. After the past 13 months I’ve had, nothing can stop me now.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. Please remember to pray for one another more than ever. I love you all!